Posted By Posting
Oct 31, 2009
sam&sam
Mother to Samuel born June 26,2008. Sam started refusing to nurse at 4 months old and was diagnosed with reflux. On Zantac until 9 months old, then switched to Prevacid. Total food refusal until 14 months old, now on purees and vomits at least once a day. Sleeps for 40-60 minutes at a time. Still nursing.
Parenting advice
Hi all, So Sam is doing a little better since we started using juice for his prevacid, which we didn't know was needed for months :( Now I have a question for you parents, have any of you found a method for discipline/sleep training that avoids or minimizes crying? We have been practising attachment parenting and my son has been put to sleep by rocking for his entire life (16 months), but I have found myself exhausted. He screams when he has to be in his stroller, only to be happy in my arms. He screams if we tell him he can't do something and then often with the crying comes vomiting (the joys of GERD). I would really appreciate any advice you might have. He does need to learn that sometimes I can't hold him and that there are things he can't do (ie. sit on the dining table). Many thanks for your input.
Oct 31, 2009
jgbennett
Ginger Bennett
Mom to Stanton, 6/12/2008
dx with GERD at 7 weeks. dx with EE at 21 months
Past Life - Early Intervention Specialist and Eval Team Member
I too have a 16 month old who is very attached! We started a few months ago with the "no cry sleep solution". It's a book by the same title. Anyway it shows how to gradually fade out things like rocking, feeding, etc. I like thismethod because it is slow and gentle and is working for us with not a lot of stress! As you know, the cry it out method just backfires and I end up with not only a crying child, but a crib full of vomit! So many of my well intentioned friends have recommended methods that instruct you to let the child cry. They obviously don't have GERD in their home. The no cry sleep solution has given me tips and tools that are working for us. Hope this helps!
Nov 01, 2009
lorenzomama
Lorenzo b.4/25/07 1 week in NICU w/ aspirate pneumonia from a reflux episode; diagnosed GERD at 9weeks; Used Zantac for 5months. Currently using Chinese Medicine and Craniosacral Therapy. GERD, Obstructive Sleep Apnea, Sensory Processing Disorder. Ask me about breastfeeding a refluxer! Pic: day 5 in the NICU.
I definitely agree with the rec for The No Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley -- there is a Toddler and Preschool version, as well which might better suite your situation than the infant one. She even acknowledges the challenges of GERD, which is rare in sleep training literature.

As far as the transition from attached attachment parenting to increased independence attachment parenting, there is a lovely book called Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, which is a guide to helping you understand your own perspectives on parenting and offers suggestions about how to make your perspectives and goals match your parenting style.

From a practical perspective, I have found, 2 1/2 years into attachment parenting, that, for us, at around 18 months it started to feel appropriate for me to express my needs to my son, to begin letting him know in a gentle but clear way that I have needs that are sometimes different from his. Developmentally, kids don't really start to distinguish themselves as different from their primary caregiver until around 18 -24 months, so it is best if it is a gentle process. I started off by continuing to provide Lorenzo with whatever he seemed to need at the time -- carrying him, for example -- but I would try to clearly express my genuine feelings about it from my own perspective (for example, "I'm going to carry you right now, but I am very tired and it hurts my arms to carry you for a long time, so I feel a little frustrated right now") Eventually, as his ability to communicate improved and I could be more certain of the distinction between what he needed and what he wanted, I would start declining requests, still explaining why, and offering other options when possible. He still cried and fussed sometimes when I refused a request, but I didn't suffer from any feeling of uncertainty, so it was very easy for me to patiently explain why I was not doing what he wanted. I tried to make it clear that it was fine with me for him to feel however he felt about my decision, but that my decision was not going to change as a result.

One of the benefits that seems to have come from this process, which I didn't really anticipate, was that he learned from me the language to express his own emotions. He now readily tells me things like, "I am getting frustrated," or "I feel sad right now," instead of going right from having the feeling to having a meltdown. It allows me to engage him in conversation about his emotions and explore them even further. He still has meltdowns now and then, of course, but they are very rare and I can usually work out a solution with him based on what he has expressed to me that works for both of us.

Good for you for dedicating yourself to attachment parenting. It is definitely not an immediate gratification process, rather you are investing in a long term relationship with him, so changes are best made gradually as well. And it is also very common for kids to take one step forward and two steps back along the process of transitions in toddlerhood. Hang in there -- I think you'll be glad you did!

Nov 03, 2009
sam&sam
Mother to Samuel born June 26,2008. Sam started refusing to nurse at 4 months old and was diagnosed with reflux. On Zantac until 9 months old, then switched to Prevacid. Total food refusal until 14 months old, now on purees and vomits at least once a day. Sleeps for 40-60 minutes at a time. Still nursing.
Thanks!
Thanks so much to you both for your responses, it brings me great comfort to know that there are other Mom's out there who understand my desire to ease into good sleep without causing Sam too much stress. I picked up a copy of the No Cry Sleep Solution and am starting to read it (when I have the time and can stay awake myself). I couldn't locate the other book on Becoming the Parent You want to be, could you tell me the author's name? Many thanks!
Nov 05, 2009
lorenzomama
Lorenzo b.4/25/07 1 week in NICU w/ aspirate pneumonia from a reflux episode; diagnosed GERD at 9weeks; Used Zantac for 5months. Currently using Chinese Medicine and Craniosacral Therapy. GERD, Obstructive Sleep Apnea, Sensory Processing Disorder. Ask me about breastfeeding a refluxer! Pic: day 5 in the NICU.
The authors are Laura Davis and Janice Keyser. Let me know if you still have trouble finding it -- I can easily get hold of a copy for you.
Check with your
doctor first!