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Aug 29, 2008
jedd'smommy
Jessica, Mommy to Jedd, severe reflux, severe food and oral aversions, Finally G tube free!!! VSD repair 4-24-07 (open heart surgery), hypospadias, repaired 3 times and Ear tubes Visit Jedd at his CB site: www.caringbridge.org/visit/jedd
Is This Okay???
(I posted this on P2P and Melissa asked if DH and I were still thinking about TTC #2 so I t hought I'd post this here)

DH and I have discussed TTC many times. We would live to have another child but....we are soo comfortable right now with just having Jedd. He is pretty mobile, he can eat on the go if we bring the DVD portable with us, DH and I are just now getting back to NOT yelling at each other all the time from the stress....

We are really looking forward to enjoying next summer when Jedd will be even more "fun" to drag around to places for us to be together...

I guess what I am trying to say/ask is I feel a tiny bit guilty that we may no thave any other children.......Is this normal?????

We would love for Jedd to have siblings it's just that...we are soo comfortable and we don't want to mess with that. I think if we make sure he is solcialized with other children he will be fine maybe andnot miss the fact that he has NO siblings to play or hang out with.

Don't get me wrong we DEARLY love Jedd to pieces. It's just that with his birth and medical stuff it caused alot of stress and we are just calming down from all of that. We are afraid to start right back up again when life seems to be soo good right now.

Plus on the money front, I am close to being able to go back to work. If we have another one, that won't be possible.

All this is coupled witht e fact that it took 6.5 years to concieve Jedd and I had 2 M/C in between. So it's not a garuntee that we will have another one let alone have another one right now!!!!

I don't know, I'm just rambling now.

Has anyone else dealt with this????

We really feel comfortable with the decision right now to hold offnot to have another child. I kinda feel bad that Jedd may not have any siblings. I always wanted like 3 or 4 kids...LOLAnd now we may only have one.

Who knows maybe in like 5 or 6 years we'll get the itch and try again. But for now...I *think* my uterus is closed for business...LOL HEHEHEHEHEHE

Notice I just said my uterus and not another body part....ROFLMAO

Thanks for making it this far, you're a saint cause it got LONG!!!!

Aug 29, 2008
maggiemom
Maggie is now 3 years old and reflux free (knock on wood). I still check in some to see how everybody is doing :) Hugs to all!
Well, imo, it's never too late to change your mind. If you're comfy right now, then there's your answer. We have 7 and a half years between ours. Morgan was an only child for a long time and now she loves being a big sis. I did feel guilty, that's a big part of our decision to have another (Mags). Many have just one child and it works for them.
Aug 29, 2008
mdbarbagallo
Melissa - Mommy to Sebastian, born 9/28/07 @ 7 lbs 7 oz and 20.75 in. At docs at 12 months: 27 pounds and 32 in! Good grief! GERD - currently on Prevacid suspension (liquid equivalent of 45 mg a day). Allergic to dairy, soy, eggs, wheat, all treenuts, peanuts, fish, shellfish, peas, sesame, bananas, barley, coconut, dust, dust mite, dog, cat, latex. Seasonal allergies. Oral Allergy Syndrome (OAS). Neocate only - no solids - until further notice (drinks and loves water, too). Loves his doggie, our rescued Treeing Walker Coonhound, Louise, even though he is allergic to her. Louise will make your doctor a homemade pie if you would like her to. PHOTO: We couldn't do a cake on Sebastian's birthday, but that didn't stop him from tossing around the contents of a big bowl of popcorn! He now tries to eat it when we play with popcorn, so no more of that game.... :(
There's nothing wrong with that at ALL. All of my friends keep talking about how they can't wait until their kids are two so they can start trying for another one. I'm like, WHAT? I can't handle this one AND I need a few years of sleep before I can even THINK about doing it all over again. My sister just had her second baby at the end of June...the daughters are SIX years apart. And good for her! She wasn't ready until now, and she wanted to wait until her first kid was in school, etc.

I am thinking maybe when Sebastian is four or so, we'll begin TALKING about baby #2. I can't afford a second baby right now, and Dr. Wood told us there is about a 150% chance the next one is going to have food allergies...so YAY! I'm really in a rush for that.

As for the still-open-for-business body parts, I am sure your DH is happy about that.

My husband is an only child, and the only thing wrong with him is his mother. He can do all the important things - share his toys, play by himself and with others, etc. I say, do whatever makes you happy.

Aug 29, 2008
jedd'smommy
Jessica, Mommy to Jedd, severe reflux, severe food and oral aversions, Finally G tube free!!! VSD repair 4-24-07 (open heart surgery), hypospadias, repaired 3 times and Ear tubes Visit Jedd at his CB site: www.caringbridge.org/visit/jedd
Thanks ladies :)
My heart really lies in adoption....we don't have the money for it and right now DH says no....but t's just somethign we have always talked about in the past since it took soo long to concieve Jedd.

For me....if we do have another one....I wouldLOVE to adopt. It's a shame it's soo expensive to do so when there are soo many childrne who need great homes.

We even have a local adoption agency here in town that we have visited before. The ONLY resson we dn't start papers at he time was money.

Talk about a miracle.....we wer going to apply right after our car was fully paid off. about 2 months after that, we concieved Jedd...

God wanted us to have our own.

But deep down, and I haven't told this to anyone, I long to adopt a child and love them as my own. And I don't want an infant. I woul dwant a toddler. :)~

Aug 30, 2008
elysabethsmom
Sharon, Mom to Elyse, 17 mos (15 mos adjusted-preemie). Zantac/Elecare. History of: Respiratory Distress Syndrome with ventilation/CPAP/cannula, tpn, n/g tube, PDA, jaundice, apnea, bradycardia/tachycardia, severe anemia, blood transfusion, reflux, Sandifer's Syndrome, intestinal malrotation, hemangiomas, MSPI, feeding issues. ICU inpatient 53 days! 2 surgeries, 2 UGIs, barium enema, pH probe, endoscopy. Developmentally on target now! PIC: Yobaby Beard
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Jessica, it was our dream to have 4 children. It was so hard to have ELyse, and she had so many issues, that we are on the fence about having more. Sometimes I really want one more bio child, and we wouldn't start trying until ELyse is 2 or older, but other days I can't imagine taking a chance at going thru all that again (my issues make another preemie a possibility). I am 28 already so if we do have another it needs to be soon before I go to the rip-out room (LOL)....my family is notorious for needing hysterectomies at a young age!

But I have always had a heart for adoption as well. We signed up, and paid, a private agency and then got pg with our first (m/c). After that I really wanted to try again so we just lost all our money! But, we still think we will adopt when Elyse or our next bio child is older. We are thinking one domestic and one international (Ukraine or Korea). We also want a toddler as opposed to an infant.

You are not alone! And the marriage thing too....DH and I are still putting the pieces back together. We had so much time apart while I was in the hospital, and then Elyse, and then all the stress from her problems and my lack of sleep and his lack of help even after I went back to work really put a strain on us.

One child is so portable, too. We are wanting to go on a major vacation with Elyse before I even think about getting pg again.

Aug 30, 2008
elysabethsmom
Sharon, Mom to Elyse, 17 mos (15 mos adjusted-preemie). Zantac/Elecare. History of: Respiratory Distress Syndrome with ventilation/CPAP/cannula, tpn, n/g tube, PDA, jaundice, apnea, bradycardia/tachycardia, severe anemia, blood transfusion, reflux, Sandifer's Syndrome, intestinal malrotation, hemangiomas, MSPI, feeding issues. ICU inpatient 53 days! 2 surgeries, 2 UGIs, barium enema, pH probe, endoscopy. Developmentally on target now! PIC: Yobaby Beard
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Oh, and here, if you adopt thru the county, it is free and they even give you WIC whether you qualify financially or not, and medical for the child. And a stipend if you adopt special needs. Have you ever looked into that? Also, we went to a private agency bc we wanted a child who would not be taken away (like can happen with fos-adopt thru the county). The agency we went to cost a lot, but they only placed kids who had parent rights already terminated, so we wouldn't fall in love with a child who could still be removed.
Aug 30, 2008
molson1525
Mary & Nicholas 7-17-03 (non-refluxer)allergies, asthma on Singulair and Flovent & Aidan 1-28-07(my refluxer)Nissen Fundoplication on June 20, 2008, FTT, MSPI, DGE, ear tubes, allergies and severe GERD now currently taking just Prevacid and drinking Elecare Vanilla 1+.
Just take it day by day with the issue. You may be feeling completely overwhelmed with the thought today but when Jedd is 3 and potty trained or heading off to preschool and these crazy days are behind you, you may feel totally different. I never thought I would have another one after my first as he had some serious health issues too and was an extremely high needs baby and really we didn't even discuss it until my oldest was almost 3. But after having a second child even with all his issues I could see having a third if all the stars aligned right. LOL! That ease of portability and marriage stuff you will get back even with a second child. It may just take a few more years to get to that point. Good luck in whatever you decide. Either way Jedd is one lucky kid!
Aug 30, 2008
jedd'smommy
Jessica, Mommy to Jedd, severe reflux, severe food and oral aversions, Finally G tube free!!! VSD repair 4-24-07 (open heart surgery), hypospadias, repaired 3 times and Ear tubes Visit Jedd at his CB site: www.caringbridge.org/visit/jedd
Sharon
The agency we went to had a book FULL of children with minor special needs that were free and clear wards of the state waiting fram a home. And yep, if you adopt one of them alot of them come with medicaid ect....already in place.

Basically with one of those children all we would need to do would be do all the SS stuff and home study and then apy the feeds to the court. It's alot longer process than that though..LOL

In the futrue....we'll see.

Aug 30, 2008
maggiemom
Maggie is now 3 years old and reflux free (knock on wood). I still check in some to see how everybody is doing :) Hugs to all!
That's exactly what I was thinking but didn't say....the biological clock doesn't affect adoption :)

My friend adopted and it didn't cost as much as they had thought at first, but it was expensive. I don't know the figures. She was able to be there when the baby was born and everything.

Aug 30, 2008
elysabethsmom
Sharon, Mom to Elyse, 17 mos (15 mos adjusted-preemie). Zantac/Elecare. History of: Respiratory Distress Syndrome with ventilation/CPAP/cannula, tpn, n/g tube, PDA, jaundice, apnea, bradycardia/tachycardia, severe anemia, blood transfusion, reflux, Sandifer's Syndrome, intestinal malrotation, hemangiomas, MSPI, feeding issues. ICU inpatient 53 days! 2 surgeries, 2 UGIs, barium enema, pH probe, endoscopy. Developmentally on target now! PIC: Yobaby Beard
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Melissa, it sounds like your friend's adoption was a "relinquishment"....where the parent chooses to give up the baby. It is very expensive compared to adopting a waiting child. Here, they told us we had to pay hospital fees, buy maternity clothes for the mom, dr appts, transportation....we also had to have liquid assets of something like $15,000! Also, the mom had 6 mos to change her mind or something like that...so that option was NOT for us!
Aug 30, 2008
jedd'smommy
Jessica, Mommy to Jedd, severe reflux, severe food and oral aversions, Finally G tube free!!! VSD repair 4-24-07 (open heart surgery), hypospadias, repaired 3 times and Ear tubes Visit Jedd at his CB site: www.caringbridge.org/visit/jedd
Yea an adoption here like that one cost between 15,000 and 25,000. An international one can run up towards and way past 30,000. it is just insane.

Even then with an infact adoption in the past of VA the birth Mother has 60 days inwhich to change her mind even if she has already signed over the baby AND signed all the paperwork. So you could bring the baby home only to loose him/her 60 days later.

For that fact the agency we looked at does NOT allow the adoptive parents to bring the baby directly home to their house. The child goes into foster care for the 60 days and then on day 61 the infant is delivered tot he adoptive home.

Aug 30, 2008
jedd'smommy
Jessica, Mommy to Jedd, severe reflux, severe food and oral aversions, Finally G tube free!!! VSD repair 4-24-07 (open heart surgery), hypospadias, repaired 3 times and Ear tubes Visit Jedd at his CB site: www.caringbridge.org/visit/jedd
The Adoption Agency's Name
They have a website if anyone wants to google it and take a look. They have agencies in multiple states and also do across state lines adoptions.

They are called Bethany Adoptions.

Aug 30, 2008
engin117
My name is being used fraudently to ill represent me. Please be cautious of any information you receive with my name. including engi.nowaira.net, engi@nowaira.net, Engi@nowaira.us, anything from anyone claiming to be Engi Nowaira online. Otherwise, I will be representing myself in person so that everyone will have opportunity to identify me in person.
My previous drivers license was also stolen. The new one has extra security features on it.
LOL You guys have voiced so many of my thoughts, fears, needs, ect. of having a second child. I always wanted 2. I have always thought about when the children are older. I want to make sure that if I am not here or her daddy is not here that hopefully she would always have someone to count on. I was an orphan and never had a family till the day I got married. I don't want Meggy to ever have to deal with this. I want her to have family to count on and to be there for as well. I don't think you should feel guilty for your feelings. I certainly can understand where you are coming from. I know I do not want any at least until Meggy is much healthier and not spending so much time in the hospital and at doctors appts. I cannot imagine being away from her right now. I keep thinking how could I be in the hospital with another baby knowing she needs me. Or what if one is sick and the other needs me too. Maybe in the future, but not anytime soon. I think when I am ready those thoughts will resolve or quiet down. I don't know where you and your child stand on health issues, but we are still on the emotional roller coaster of docs saying one week her life is in danger she may not make it another year, to the next week when they say oh she will make it and just be small. I just can't imagine involving another being in this roller coaster. For now I just want Meggy well and to enjoy life. Engi
Check with your
doctor first!