Posted By Posting
Aug 06, 2008
Tracey, mom to Katie diagnosed with GERD at 3 week.
Can I vent about feeling inadequate?

Ok, so took Katie to dh's work today since we were headed to our mommy and me group and I couldn't tell if I had allergies or was getting sick so I decided not to share it with the newborns; one of which is a preemie. We are dressed, fed and out of the house so I call up hubby and offer to come down to show Katie off since it has been like 6 months.

Most of his co-workers know about her reflux so they ask about it and we tell them the latest and are just making small talk. Well, one of his co-workers comments on how little she is and asks how she likes solids and we tell her she is down to just formula and she says, "ok, formula, that's why she's so little. My kids were all b/f and they were little chunks." I explained to her that we stopped giving her b/m because she would throw up the whole bottle afterwards but seems to keep formula down and she looked like at me like I am the worst mother in the history of mothers! Imagine giving my child formula; oh the horror! Why do I feel the need to justify that we give our child formula? Formula that is more expensive than Vodka none the less!

Katie could not latch on at birth and after 4 days lost 13 ounces so we switched to pumping but I gotta tell you that is hard! Feeding her 2 or 3 times at night and then pumping after every feeding meant I was awake for 3 hours in the middle of the night but I wanted people to know that she was drinking b/m and not formula; as if it was any of their business! I am NOT anti-breastfeeding and am envious of women who can b/f as my lo couldn't; I am also NOT anti-formula as Katie needs it! So why do I feel so ashamed that she gets formula? I also feel a little ashamed that she can't crawl, pull up or walk yet as I feel like it is a reflection of me as a SAHM that I obviously am doing something wrong since other babies her age are crawling or walking. When I tell these same people that she has already said 5 words they look at me in disbelief. No, she doesn't say onomatopoeia or superfluous but says simple 1 syllable words (yeah, wow, ball). Am I the only one who feels like my childs success or failures reflect upon me? She is a bright, funny baby; am I too hard on myself? Do you experience the same thoughts?

Thanks for letting me vent and thank you for your responses and kind words as I know they will be coming!

Aug 06, 2008
amber f
I feel the same way. My mom was so hard on me when I had to give up bfing my son because he went on a bfing stike and I dried up. She had the nerve to tell me that I gave it up because I wasn't patient enough. It made me feel like I was the laziest mother. I was an emotional wreck. Then to have someone who I trust say that hurt. I still kinda feel a little angry towards her and it has been 5 months. Breast milk is wonderfull for kids but reflux can make it darn near impossible to have the joyful bfing experience. I was blessed to have two older kids that showed me bfing isn't torture as my refluxer has made it out to be. If I had another I'd try it again.

Formula is what she needs and that is that. You need to feed your child something. I'm so sorry that the lady wasn't understanding. As for the other crawling and walking, Katie will do it when she is good and ready and it has nothing to do with your care. You don't leave her in her car seat 24 hours a day so she can't move around and develop. You are working with her and helping her. I think it is great that she is talking some. It is so cute to hear them talk. Give yourself a pat on the back and keep doing what you are doing and ignore the rest.

Aug 06, 2008
DS #1 (7/05) - Just ReDX'd Refluxer! Prevacid Solutab starting 4/8/09. Lots of food and environmental allergies. Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, Speech Delays, Developmental Delays, Severe Muscle Tone Weakness.
DS #2 (1/08) ReDX'd refluxer. Milk and soy allergies with Soy Lecithin allergies. Oat milk drinker, Rice protein powder, DHA, and vitamins added for bulk and needed nutrition. Weak muscle tone, slightly developmentally delayed, SPD confirmed.
It is hard. We are so hard on ourselves first and other mothers second, which is ironic since we don't want other mothers to be hard on us. Heheh. I have this come up often. DS #2 is on formula because I couldn't produce enough BM to feed an ant. But it's a good thing because he hated latching due to his sensory issues. He's on formula (Nutramigen, which costs a fortune.) and oh well for the naysayers. He's not really on solids either due to, again, his sensory issues. He's 6 months old and people have started asking about it. I give them the very long and technical reason and they never ask me anything ever again. Heheh. Add his and his big brother's sensory issues and we get tons of looks and comments.
Aug 06, 2008
Donnessa, mom to Halley born 3/10/07
Reflux (mostly) resolved at 14 months
and Addison born 8/17/09. Currently exclusively bf and on 7.5mg Prevacid
Ok, pardon me as I step up to the soapbox...

Number one, you bf until 4 1/2 months - that is a HUGE accomplishment!! You should pat yourself on the back for doing it so long under any circumstances, but even more so since you have a refluxer. Formula is what Katie needs now and no one is able to make better decisions for what she needs than you. To be honest (and this is hard to admit) Halley started doing better reflux wise when I switched her to Nutramigen. Just like c-section vs. vaginal delivery - all that matters is the end result - a healthy baby.

Number two, by the time Katie makes it to kindergarten, she will be walking, eating and will probably have a better vocabulary than her peers who may have started crawling or walking earlier. Halley took a very long time to sit up, crawl and walk (like most refluxers) and you know what - now she's happy, funny, talking and is running everywhere. Katie will do those things when she's good and ready. Then WATCH OUT!

You're doing a fabulous job as a mommy - if you don't believe me, ask all of us who have walked a mile in your shoes.

Aug 06, 2008
Donnessa, mom to Halley born 3/10/07
Reflux (mostly) resolved at 14 months
and Addison born 8/17/09. Currently exclusively bf and on 7.5mg Prevacid
PS - I have to tell you that I really enjoy your sense of humor. You and Melissa (Louise's mom) always crack me up with your posts. I don't have many reasons to laugh out loud these days, so reading your posts are one of the highlights of my day ;-)
Aug 06, 2008
I could go off all night on this topic. I don't feel like getting all worked up so I'll just say I'm on your side totally!!!
Aug 06, 2008
Josh 12 yrs colic as a baby
Jenna 6 yrs dream baby
Jessica (6/11/07) Silent reflux dx at 3 weeks
Went off meds successfully at 3 mos
Went back on Prevacid 8 mg TID 1/3/08
I call women like that breastfeeding Nazis. You don't need to feel ashamed about anything you are doing. You are doing the best you can for Katie and your family. That's what you should be doing. Just because that particular woman doesn't understand your situation and gets her self esteem from the fact that she breastfed doesn't mean you are any less a wonderful parent!!!!! And believe me as a mom of a 13 year old, a 7 year old and a baby you soon realize they all grow up very quickly. And as far as her physical and speech development everyone develops at their own pace. Even if she were slow it wouldn't be a reflection on your or a reflection on how valuable she is as a person. Remember there have been many unhappy unfullfilled geniuses in the world. I would rather my child be content with who she is! You are a great mon. You are being too hard on yourself. Don't let anyone get you down on yourself. There is plenty of mommy guilt without that! Cristy
Aug 06, 2008
This is our dd, Alessandra. Dx with GER 10/07. Ran the gamut with meds and now done with them (crossed fingers). Using magnesium, probiotics and prebiotic supplements. With the exception of teething and general sassy attitude, all is well now. They really CAN grow out of it!
Ah - I love how everyone has an opinion about how YOU raise YOUR kid. I get dirty looks from people when I go to buy formula, and I got the run-around from my MIL when I chose not to BF (other considerations that were NO ONE'S business but me and my hubby.)

Vent away...and do NOT feel inadequate. Your girl's getting what she needs as she needs it AND THAT'S SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!!! All kids do things at different paces. My dd's a strong little monkey, as well as distressingly independent, but even though she's crawling and climbing and generally making my life a living he*l, she won't hold her own bottle.

I've had to blow enough off, so I now order my formula online. I refuse to answer anyone's questions as to why my dd is so small (she really isn't - 10 months and over 18 lbs) and they must be blind to the fact I'm only 5'2" and 100 lbs soaking wet with shoes on.

*Breathing deeply* Okay, I must have also needed to vent. You're doing a good job, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Aug 06, 2008
Melissa - Mommy to Sebastian, born 9/28/07 @ 7 lbs 7 oz and 20.75 in. At docs at 12 months: 27 pounds and 32 in! Good grief! GERD - currently on Prevacid suspension (liquid equivalent of 45 mg a day). Allergic to dairy, soy, eggs, wheat, all treenuts, peanuts, fish, shellfish, peas, sesame, bananas, barley, coconut, dust, dust mite, dog, cat, latex. Seasonal allergies. Oral Allergy Syndrome (OAS). Neocate only - no solids - until further notice (drinks and loves water, too). Loves his doggie, our rescued Treeing Walker Coonhound, Louise, even though he is allergic to her. Louise will make your doctor a homemade pie if you would like her to. PHOTO: We couldn't do a cake on Sebastian's birthday, but that didn't stop him from tossing around the contents of a big bowl of popcorn! He now tries to eat it when we play with popcorn, so no more of that game.... :(
First of all, you can tell his loser coworkers that my son is an elephant and he is on formula only! I think Nate and Nolan are on formula, too, and they are big babies! So where is the coworkers logic NOW???? Sebastian always had a crap latch, and even if he wasn't an absolute wreck from EARLY food allergies (that's why we stopped nursing), I would have stopped soon after. I hated it, and I felt sooooooo guilt hating it. Well, wai t- I liked that he loved it - that was GREAT - but it hurt and I could never get it right and I was turning into a jerk mom anyway, so it wouldn't have worked. So you are NOT the only one. Your husband's coworker is a piece of crap for making you feel inadequate when you are obviously a loving, devoted mom who would do anything for her baby.

And YES, you are too hard on yourself! Look what an incredible job you are doing! You are figuring it out as you go,a nd you have a happy, sweet child who is THRIVING, even if she is not a moose from breastmilk. Your child's successes and failures reflect on NO ONE - she is a child, and she is learning as she goes, too. The kid pees on herself all day (and all kids her age), for God's sake. What do people expect from them? You are doing it exactly right. Don't let anyone get you down. God gave you that kid for a reason - that you could handle her. And that's why the coworkers got angel babies.

That said, I am impressed you can spell onomatopoeia. I just had to copy it from your post.
Aug 06, 2008
I went through the same thing. Both my boys were exclusively breast fed. So... I was into it. Katie would not and I mean would not breast feed in the hospital. It was a nightmare. She was in so much pain and would refuse the breast. I decided I needed to feed my baby and gave her formula. SHe sucked it down like crazy. The nurse made me feel like Katie was going to be obese, have diabetes, have all sorts of abnormalities because I stopped the breast feeding. It is ridiculous. All of my kids have their issues breast fed or not. I am sure if I bottle fed my oldest that would be the reason he has ADHD right? My ped. was so great ....she said are feeding your baby. you gave her life. what more can you give her. People used to blame the ADHD on the fact that I was a stay at home mom too. I mean honestly......
Aug 06, 2008
I could have written this myself!! I think we have all been there where we feel like we have to justify ourselves to others. DO NOT get down on yourself. You are the only one when knows what Katie needs (maybe dad does, but we all know that that doesn't always happen...). You are a good mom, and your daughter is happy, and that is what matters most. There is a window of development for all babies, and some do things faster than others. Ozzie crawled and pulled up early, but he only started clapping his hands yesterday, and he doesn't really have any words at all, and he is over 12 months. Remember, Einstein did not speak until he was almost 4 years old!! She'll do all of it in her own time!!
Aug 06, 2008
Jennifer - 1st time mom. Lauren (6/1/07) diagnosed 9/07 with GER at 3 1/2 months. Prevacid 7.5 mg in the am. Currently drinking whole milk and eating great!!
No longer aspirating! Yippee!
Picture: Why would Lauren play with the hundreds of dollars worth of toys scattered in my living room?!?! When she could play in a box! Estimated move date: Oct. 3rd!
I also could go on and on about this...I "over-react" (as dh puts it) about the same things and take comments about Lauren VERY personally. I also pumped for a long time and can 100% agree with how frustrating it can be! I would have LOVED to have fed her directly instead of being up for an hour for every night feeding.

Seriously, blow stupid people off. They don't know what they are talking about and they haven't lived a day in your shoes! Also, I am a little jealous of all the words! That's awesome!!!!!!!

Aug 06, 2008
Aurora born March 17, 2007
3 years, 8 months old
Weighs 25.8 lbs
8 lbs 11 oz at birth.
Recovered Chronic Projectile Vomiter
Prevacid Free since September 08
Egg allergy diagnosed Jan 26/09
Has a Pectus Excavatum
Has an Epipen
we are our own worst enemies....we can doubt ourselves, so why worry about other people?? Mommies have the hardest job in the world, we care for others first, ourselves second. We are so hard on ourselves because our children deserve the best, and we can never be perfect for them....funny thing is, they love us unconditionally, don't they? Ultimately, she is who matters most. You are doing a great job. HUGS.
Aug 06, 2008
Coyle Eagan. One Year Old. Doing well on Cow's Milk flavored with juice :) Drinking two bottles of Go&Grow daily. Eating solids better but still have rough days. No More Silent Reflux-that I can hear anyway.. but puking again. Zantac 2ML 2X daily.
Oh boy, do i really, really dislike people! I too could have written this post.

1st off, correct me if I'm wrong but Katie is NOT SMALL! she's on the chart and thriving, right? why does everyone have to comment on the size of our children! my son IS small. he is 15.5 pounds @ 9.5 mo. adjusted, but, you know what. he can cruise, he says HI! and waves while doing it! Katie says WOW & ball.. that is Amazing vocabulary for her age! and, crawling never has been nor never will be a sign of mobility. some kids dont' crawl and end up being track stars. seriously folks! also, if she were as smart as she pretends to be she would know that the WHO has SEPERATE charts for BF babies because they gain slower than formula fed babies.. not the other way around.

don't feel bad. i've heard much worse and seen much worse in reference to my little guy. i've actually had an employee @ bath and body works ask me if i'm Breastfeeding. How the hell is that any of her business? {i was there again monday and coy puked all over the floor.. he was paying them back for me!}. i've also had people raise their eyebrows @ me when i tell them his age. like they think i'm not feeding him or something. i don't hear small.. i hear TINY! so, i really feel for you. it makes me feel ashamed and embarrased when i know that i should not.

as far as the BF. let me tell you. i so, so understand you. coyle was in the NICU for 18 days. I pumped every single night every 3 hours while he was in there. i got up, i called the nurses, i pumped, i fell back on the bed dead. then, i drove to the hospital to watch him waste all of it away (because his suckign reflux was so poor) and then i'd go and pump while there too. I also had the nurses tell me i was not producing enough!! he was less than 5 pounds for god sake! how much should i have been producing! many, many of us have been thru something of this sort. i still feel guilty even tho i know i shouldn't either.
Aug 06, 2008
Maggie is now 3 years old and reflux free (knock on wood). I still check in some to see how everybody is doing :) Hugs to all!
#1=you don't need to justify yourself to ANYBODY! I know you feel the need to and that's because you're a woman, but you truly do not need to. Tell the next person that comments like that to stick it. Seriously, I'm in a bad mood right now, but I can't stand the whole formula vs. breastmilk debate. Some babies just don't thrive on bmilk for whatever reason and we should feel blessed that we have formula to use in it's place.

You are a wonderful mom and don't let ANYBODY make you feel different!

Aug 07, 2008
Sharon, Mom to Elyse, 17 mos (15 mos adjusted-preemie). Zantac/Elecare. History of: Respiratory Distress Syndrome with ventilation/CPAP/cannula, tpn, n/g tube, PDA, jaundice, apnea, bradycardia/tachycardia, severe anemia, blood transfusion, reflux, Sandifer's Syndrome, intestinal malrotation, hemangiomas, MSPI, feeding issues. ICU inpatient 53 days! 2 surgeries, 2 UGIs, barium enema, pH probe, endoscopy. Developmentally on target now! PIC: Yobaby Beard
Tracey, it killed me that I was not able to bf. I pumped about every 3 hours for 6 freakin' months and tried to bf for 4 of those months PLUS bottle feed her the expressed milk. I saw a lactation consultant for weeks on end. Elyse developed a good latch but had transfer issues....the way she bf did not actually transfer milk! I still have bm in my freezer bc it is such an emotional thing for me. i ended up stopping pumping after 2 mos back at work bc I wasn't even making enough and it was all being wasted anyway bc she was barfing it all up.

Her GI put her on elecare at 6 mos for MSPI and she is still on it at 14 mos (12 adjusted). We may even need to switch to the one year old plus elecare if she does not tolerate milk. I have seen pics of Katie up close and I don't think she looks small! Elyse is 20 lbs at 14 mos, and she is a preemie so that is really good. I do still get comments that she is "petite"....she is tall and relatively slender with defined biceps! but then again other ppl say she looks just like other 14 mo olds so who knows.

I am a big time supporter of bf and as I said it killed me to stop, but for Elyse it was a good thing. Lucky for us, she had so many other issues with her health that the insurance pays for her formula after we meet the deductible....and with a kid like her we met the 2008 deductible in january (multiple hospital visits/surgery will do that real quick!!). :) hugs

Aug 07, 2008
mom to Mila 2-20-2007
and Robby 4-22-2004
Mila is on Peptamen JR 30 cal by NG tube. Open Heart Surgery 2/08/08. Captopril, Zantac, Losec, Lasix.
Ya know.. I'd call myself a BFing Nazi... but it was the formula that helped M gain weight. It was the FORMULA that kept her alive when I would have shook right to death for crying all the time while BFing. It was the formula that we could fortify and thicken so she didn't aspirate. Formula is best when the child & mother need it. BM is ideal in most situations... but when its not possible, its not possible!
Aug 07, 2008
Sebi is 23 months, diagnosed with GERD at about 3 months after months of misdiagnosis. Allergies = milk, maybe soy.
Med free since mid-July.
Tubes inserted in ears Dec 17, 2007. Left one has fallen out. Endoscopy done Feb. 21, no tissue abnormalities.
OK, it is funny that this subject of any came up today. First, I have to say, you have NOTHING to feel bad about. You are doing exactly what your LO needs, and no one has the right to make you feel bad about anything you have done. They have not walked in your shoes.

So, the funny thing . . . I took Sebi to the zoo today to see the new baby giraffe and the baby elephant. Well, we went to listen to the whole elephant show and got to see the elephants feeding. To get the mother elephant to breastfeed, the keepers have to reward her with treats for letting the baby latch. Yes, reward the MOTHER with treats. Then, the baby has only ever bf'd on 1 side, so could never get enough to eat through bf'ing alone. Yes, we are talking a wild animal not breastfeeding. So, the zoo keepers supplement each bf with a bottle of milk/yoghurt/and something else. So, I figure, why should I feel bad about having had to supplement and then stop bf'ing early because it wasn't working. Obviously bf'ing doesn't even always work for wild animals, so why do we expect that we would ever be the one species for whom it will? Ultimately for us, just like those keepers, the decision to use formula comes down to one thing: keeping our little ones healthy and well-nourished. I was telling my mom this story and she told me of a friend of my sister who actually almost starved her baby to death trying to breastfeed unsuccessfully. I'm not sure how serious it got, but I take it medical intervention was needed.

So, one last thing: GOOD FOR YOU for being brave enough to NOT breastfeed when it wasn't working.
Aug 07, 2008
Our 1 year old daughter has silent reflux, hypotonia as well as benign external hydrocephalus. We are currently weaning onto whole milk (we'll see if it works) and she is also on Prevacid 15mg per day.
I've certainly been in your shoes- still am. I run from the LLL (La Leche League) haha. I have nothing against b/f but it didn't work out for us. My 10 1/2 month old daughter is 21 pounds and on formula so I'd say she's doing well. She's in physical therapy right now for learning to put weight on her feet, crawling, walking, ect. I could blame myself (and have now and then) for her delays but this week after a session I said to myself-hey I've been fighting for her to get some PT for months now and at least I'm HELPING her by getting her the care she needs! (went through months of waiting for the government program which failed us due to our insurance being an hmo) So we do the best we can do and screw everyone else. I honestly don't know how you go to a mommy group-they must be super cool about it all. Here it's so competitive that I wouldn't dare go to one. But it all depends on who's there I guess. HUGS!!
Aug 07, 2008
Kelly, mom of two boys with GERD. John (born 11/03) was on 40mg Nexium til 15 mos old. Second son Brian (born 05/07) started on Zantac. Now on 22.5 mg Prevacid Solutabs plus Carafate 0.5 ml 1 x day
Well, all I can add is that John was formula fed from like 2 weeks on because he wasn't getting enough b/m even though I was nursing every 2 hrs and he ended up in the ER for dehydration. I suppose that the b/f nazis would prefer I let him dehydrate rather than give up but dh and I chose otherwise and went to formula. John was also a late crawler and speech delayed. Now he is almost 5, talks up a storm and was the star of his coach-pitch team even tho he was the youngest. Wish I had had a crystal ball so I could have seen that when he was a baby and saved myself all those tears and all that guilt. PS - My 15 mos old still does more crawling than walking and still only says mama and dada and I get lots of unsolicited advice on him too but I have a little better perspective the 2nd time around.
Check with your
doctor first!